Life After Divorce for Men after 40
Last updated January 15, 2023
Divorce is always stressful. Even for an adult man, it is very difficult to cross out everything and start from scratch. The situation is especially complicated if the news of the breakup came as a complete surprise to the person. It often happens, when married people lose their passion after the first few years of marriage. There remain warm relations, mutual understanding, and caring for the good of children and grandchildren.
When the spouses reach the age of forty, they have a common property and a stable financial position. It happens that a marriage that seemed prosperous at first glance cracks. How will life turn out after divorce at 40, how not stuck in loneliness and depression? Let’s take a closer look at these issues.
What Are The Most Common Reasons For Divorce?
Divorce after 40 years is most often provoked by men. The reasons are as follows:
- There is a fear of approaching old age. The partner is full of energy, feels the need for a younger companion, children are almost grown-ups, and it seems that they do not need the care of them as much as they used to. Everyday routine and work problems don’t allow men to spend much time with wives.
- Financial issues. Sometimes, when a wife earns more, a man gets jealous of her success.
- Being a womanizer. Some men do not leave the family for a certain woman, but start affairs with different ones. Children and a wife are not an obstacle to such a man when he wants to have a romance with a young lover.
It is rare for women in their forties to ruin a family and begin a new life. However, when the spouse starts to act defiantly, then the wife’s patience runs out and divorce becomes the only way out.
What Happens to a Guy after a Divorce?
Most men after divorce at the age of 40 want to get back to their ex-wife. Despite the fact, the marriage was completely destroyed they don’t feel the desired freedom and realize the reality doesn’t meet their expectations. The thought of the necessity to begin all that dating-marriage story from the start all over again scares them and makes them seek a comfort zone.
Some men begin to suffer from depression as not every man can confess to friends and themselves they regret breaking up the marriage. It can considerably mess-up a man’s self-esteem. However, life goes on and you need to figure out the actions that will lead you to your happiness.
How do men behave after divorce? There are a number of signs by which you can determine the development of a depressive disorder. This is a state in which a person ceases to enjoy and, as it were, withdraws from life. If women in a depressed state show their emotions openly, then with men, it happens a little differently.
A man after a divorce is experiencing an internal conflict: on the one hand, he needs support, and on the other hand, he is not ready to admit his problems and accept any help. He ceases to see the variety of shades of life, paying attention only to the extremes: black and white. Psychologists characterize the thinking of a person with depression with the phrase ‘all or nothing’. In such a situation, the main task of a specialist is to restore the so-called positive fragmentation – the ability to see the positive aspects of phenomena and concentrate on them.
To avoid suffering from depression, we highly recommend going for a professional psychologist consultation. Likewise, a man should spend more time out, hang out with friends, visit workshops, travel, and enjoy all the jam of being independent. You shouldn’t run from your problems but try to cheer yourself up and stay positive.
Some divorces require to continue to meet an ex because of a common business, communication with children, family reunions with mutual relatives, etc. Such meetings can stun at the beginning, however, it is better to treat an ex-wife with respect and leave all the negative feelings behind so you both could start new happy lives separately.
All the difficult situations in life can knock you out and the one important thing that you should remember is a recovery from everything takes time.
The next thing that can make a man worry after a divorce is a loneliness. Awareness of one’s own loneliness does not come to men immediately. At first, they feel euphoria from the absence of any duties and literally pounce on those pleasures that were previously unavailable. At the same time, they think little about everyday issues: cooking, cleaning, ironing, etc. If a man’s income does not allow him to hire a housekeeper, the apartment very quickly turns into a bachelor’s dwelling, untidy and uncomfortable.
Being in his lonely apartment, and not in the company of friends or a club, a person begins to remember the positive moments of his family life. According to statistics, many people regret the decision to leave after some time after a divorce. No wonder some men after a divorce return to their ex-wives in the long run. But even with a strong desire, this may not happen for several reasons:
- The ex already has other relationships;
- She refuses to forgive the man and accept him back;
- The man himself is afraid of reproaches and accusations;
- He believes that the relationship will no longer be the same;
- Children and other relatives are negatively disposed towards the initiator of the divorce;
- Friends and society will scoff at his weakness;
- A man does not want to ask for forgiveness, admit his mistake in front of everyone.
All these aspects are so important from the point of view of a divorced man that each of them can deprive him of the opportunity to correct his own mistake. However, in fact, about a year after the divorce, many families have a chance to reunite, because the emotions have already subsided, and both partners have realized they were wrong and are ready to try again.
Can Men Be Happy After Divorce?
Of course, it cannot be otherwise. Just remember that the main rule for dealing with mental pain is the same as with physical injury. Diagnose the causes (in your case, we are talking about divorce), take painkillers, and begin treatment. So diagnostics. Go through the list of risks that are listed at the beginning. What exactly hurt you the most? This is what we will fight against.
Painkillers at the initial stage are people who love you. Call friends and family, but only those who are ready to listen and support you. The key word is support.
Remember, alcohol is not a resource or a solution to a problem. Moreover, temporary relief will lead you to aggravate the condition the next day. The pain, anxiety, depression, and self-flagellation that you feel will increase exponentially when you are hungover.
Cry as much as you need
Unexplained and inexperienced grief turns us into knights in iron armor, effectively blocking all emotions. In this case, not only sadness, heartache, and despair will be blocked, but also joy, happiness, inspiration, and the possibility of falling in love again in the future.
Deal with hormones
Find a source to support your serotonin and dopamine levels. The best helpers will be sports, the sun, and proper nutrition.
Serotonin is most effectively raised by antidepressants, but it is worth resorting to their help if you are already depressed and have been prescribed them by a doctor. If you are a supporter of natural methods, then consult a nutritionist. Specialist will advise the appropriate nutrition to help in the delivery of the amino acid tryptophan, which is responsible for the synthesis of serotonin.
Online Dating For Men After 40
One of the best and safest ways to commit dates after divorce at 40 is online dating. Online dating is a casual kind of dating that sounds perfect for people after divorce. Those people, who prefer online dating are usually busy, they appreciate their boundaries and can respect others as well. Online dating is a perfect instrument that helps you focus on a career but keep trying to find love without investing much time in real-time dating.
We highly recommend going for proven interactive websites like Victoriyaclub.com. This one has an intuitive social media-like interface that turns the online dating process into a fun activity and allows you to spend your free time with lovely attractive women. That can help you with rebuilding your belief in love.
Divorce is not the end of the world. You should remember, that you are the most important person in your life that deserves happiness, love, passion, understanding, and all the best things that a woman can give you. Age is just a number, so you will find your new crush after divorce at 40 as easily as if you were 20.
Basic Rules for a Successful First Meeting
Most likely you have already tried your luck on dating sites for men over 40 years old. After you met a girl, the first meeting awaits you, for which you need to be prepared mentally and physically. Stick to some helpful tips to make the meeting a success.
- Neat appearance. No girl will be impressed by the smell of sweat or a torn bag. Before you meet your chosen one, you should ensure that your appearance is appropriate for the situation. Be sure to need a clean shirt or sweater, and a pleasant and unobtrusive smell. What about calling your favorite barbershop and arranging a haircut?
- Good mood. Even despite a very bad or rainy day, at the moment of the long-awaited meeting, a radiant smile should shine on the face of a man. A woman must understand that a man is really interested. However, overly positive men can arouse suspicions about the desire to just have fun. You should not go too far.
- Choosing a good place for a first date. This is a very important aspect. And this is where measure is important. You should not immediately call a girl to an expensive restaurant, but a date at McDonald’s is completely unacceptable. A quiet cozy cafe or coffee shop will do. Also, you should not invite a girl to the park for hour-long walks. Not only is it banal, but also the girl may suspect you of greed.
In general, dating a girl of any age should be easy and relaxed. Young ladies do not like too serious, gloomy men. The most important rules are easy flirting and pleasant communication.
Divorce For Men After 40: What is It Like?
So, what to do? How to live through difficult times and find the strength to start a new life alone after 40? Even though a man after a divorce might recall all the good aspects of an ex-wife he often forgets the qualities of hers that made him do that step. For example, when a breakup was caused by a wife’s unfaithfulness and all the anger withers away, all the happy moments and pleasant memories fill the mind.
Sometimes it is a wife who insists on a divorce so an ex-husband tries to fix the broken marriage and wastes all of his energy on that. There are cases when a man has made a firm commitment to quid relationships that don’t make him happy and still doesn’t want to build new ones as well.
All divorces are different but there is one aspect of it that unites all the men – divorce is difficult. Most men tend to hide their emotions and don’t enjoy showing off all the dirty laundry to the public. The fact of a divorce being discussed by friends, relatives, and colleagues makes men stress even more. They don’t tend to share their thoughts and fears with friends as they don’t want to appear weak. So, it is a challenging time for men that they prefer to go through alone. We hope mentioned above hints and recommendations will help you arrange life after divorce so that you can fully enjoy it again.
Richard Wilson is an experienced writer. He is the author of numerous articles and publications throughout the web. Also he has a degree in Psychology and Sociology. Therefore, it is quite wise to check his tips from time to time.
2 thoughts on “Life After Divorce for Men after 40”
I can relate to this article as a man who has gone through a divorce in my 40s. It’s not easy, and it’s definitely a tough transition. I think one of the most difficult things for me was letting go of the idea that my marriage was supposed to be forever. But I have come to realize that sometimes things don’t work out, and that’s okay. It’s important to focus on self-care and finding happiness in yourself rather than relying on a partner to complete you.
I didn’t go to a psychotherapist, but my family and friends helped me psychologically cope with this.
If you’re in this situation right now, just know that everything will pass, brother.
I’m 44. My wife left me and with the child left me for someone else. It was so hard for me, we lived 17 years together. I was depressed for a long time.
My wife was a very good cook and I just can’t forget her food…I lost a lot of weight. She made more money than I did, maybe she didn’t like it.
I don’t want to live alone in the house, I don’t want to work, I don’t want to do anything. I’m so tired…
Your article helped me changed my thoughts.. Thanks