Some say jealousy is a sign of love, while others believe jealousy is a byproduct of mistrust and is not a part of healthy relationships. You can find lots of stories, truthful and fake, on how jealousy is harmful to people. Jealousy makes partners do foolish things that eventually ruin relationships. However, jealousy is a feeling that we all have experienced at least once. The only difference is whether this feeling is reasonable or completely baseless in every particular case. Let’s talk through jealousy, reasons to get jealous, and its consequences. Maybe, it is not the worst thing for relationships!
As we have mentioned earlier, jealousy can be reasonable or baseless. It is typically to determinate jealousy as a fear of your partner finding someone better in bed than you are. This fear helps us to be more attentive towards a partner and make sure he/she feels happy by our side.
Therefore, we can’t say that jealousy is a low feeling. If someone says that feels no jealousy, this could mean he or she cares none about the partner.
In case the fear is too intense, for example, when a partner gives cause for jealousy, that may push a partner to become obsessive, restrict communication with other people and try to get total control over the one suspected in an affair. That is the way to create an unhealthy and uncomfortable atmosphere in relationships and ruin it completely.
Kinds of jealousy in relationships
There are several reasons to get jealous. The main reason is when you believe you still have feelings for an ex-partner. You can feel that there is a risk an ex-partner of your beloved is better than you and knows how to satisfy him/her in a sexual way.
Another kind of jealousy when you feel there is a chance your partner finds attractive someone in your circle. In that case, it is better to reconsider your behavior in relationships. Maybe you have been missing connection with your partner lately, that is why you are worrying because of the possibility one of your mutual friends can be more attentive and adventurous.
Virtual jealousy is becoming wider these days, as it is difficult to find a person that wasn’t obsessed with social media. If you see your partner takes care of his or her social media image too much neglecting communication with you, this can cause unpleasant thoughts and suspicion.
There is pathological jealousy that is often a sign a person had problematic relationships with parents. In that case, one tries to get all of the partner’s attention focused on him/her and gets jealous every time he/she needs to share this attention with someone else. In that case, psychological counseling is much needed.
Things to consider
Let us say, it is okay if you or your partner get attracted by someone else as that means you both aren’t addicted to each other. You are self-sufficient people that want to be together and that is great. You both can kind of check out what is going on around you, or there are any other interesting people you could hang out with, but eventually make a decision to stay together. That is a conscious choice that means you love each other, what could be more perfect?
But if your partner can’t stop talking of someone and admires that person openly, that may mean a strong attraction takes place. You can either compete with that person or give your partner an ultimatum and see what happens.
If your partner bothers you talking about exes, there is a chance your lover has problems with self-image and tries to induce jealousy on purpose. That is the case when you need to be super-supportive and attentive to your partner’s needs as self-esteem issues are quite delicate and make a person feel insecure.
How to handle jealousy
The most important thing is to treat each other with respect. You shouldn’t break your someone’s personal boundaries, monitor every move of your partner, or interrogate your loved one. There is no way to build healthy relationships using such compulsive techniques.
What should you do when you feel overwhelmed? First of all, you need to embrace your jealousy and understand that it is okay to experience this feeling. You should try to spend some time doing something you enjoy in order to calm down and become more even-tempted to make balanced decisions.
If you start to feel overwhelmed in front of your partner try to calm you down by breathing in and out slowly. You need to slow down physically not to let the adrenalin do its thing.
The one thing is sure is that you shouldn’t keep it to yourself for long and talk through your worries with your partners. Explain the situation, share your feelings, try to be specific when defining what makes you feel anxious or concerned. Try to think of your jealousy in your partner’s situation as there is a chance he or she doesn’t understand your position due to believing there is no prerequisite for worries.
Another great tip is to focus on yourself. If you feel concerned every time your partner communicates with other people that might mean you are addicted one. Spend your time doing something that boosts your self-esteem. Try to improve your personality by exploring new things and make yourself look prettier by working out or getting some new fashion items. Nothing too crazy, but that would help you to find out if there is a real problem or you simply have a lack of self-confidence.
It is crucial for you to become a complete human being that realizes his/her value. Be that person that attracts the interest of other people so that you could get rid of the fuzzy thoughts and find happiness with your partner.
Also check the article: Having Multiple Relationships: Good or Bad?