dominant in relationship

How to Be a Dominant in Relationship: Lead on Your Partner

Outdated social norms dictate that dominance in a relationship should belong to a man, the breadwinner. But we’ve all heard about the “man is a head and woman is a neck” thing, which means that normally it’s females who point the direction for decisions in a family to be made. In addition, with the development of equity in many countries, women have become dominant in relationship more and more often. The question is, who is a better leader?

It’s nearly impossible to find a family where both partners play entirely equal roles and none of them has a higher say in different matters; that’s a fact. By the way, the study states that 99.99% of participants said they’ve had dominant (95%) or submissive (100%) sexual fantasies at least once in a while. Do you have similar thoughts? If you want to learn how to be dominant in a relationship, read on!

What Does it Mean to Be Dominant in a Relationship?

To put it simply, dominance means that one of you has a greater degree of control or influence over decisions, behaviors, and dynamics. It starts with small things like choosing where to eat, which movie to watch, or how to spend a weekend. It’s common in relationships that one partner is a dominant person making decisions and the other is a submissive person who is following. 

dominant meaning in a relationship

Dominance can also be expressed in other ways:

  • Financial control

The partner, whether it is a dominant woman or man, who takes the lead in love affairs may manage the budget as well. Such things are especially prominent when it comes to making significant financial decisions like buying a car or house. 

  • Handling emotional situations 

If one partner tends to set the emotional climate of the relationship, like deciding when to discuss problems or how to handle conflicts, they are dominant in relationship. 

  • Social interactions 

A survey by the Center in April 2023 revealed that only 23% of Americans view marriage as essential for a fulfilling life. In contrast, many more people consider having close friends (61%) as a crucial factor for fulfillment. But ideally, these two should be combined. It often happens that one person in a relationship chooses when and with whom the couple is going to hang out. Normally, the dominant also initiates and arranges such get-togethers. 

Dominant Women in Relationship

Did you know that Queen Bey, Beyoncé, is a formidable presence in her marriage to Jay-Z? She has openly said in one of her interviews that she is a dominant wife, making all the important decisions. This approach can even be detected in her song “Upgrade U,” where the lyrics are about elevating her partner’s life and bringing it to a higher level.

If you think that women and men have identical leadership styles in relationships, get ready to be surprised. We invite you to learn about what it looks like when a lady has dominance.

  • Initiative

In many situations, women are the ones suggesting that the couple go out tonight, try rafting this weekend, or spend their next vacation in Greece. They often expect it from men, but when they don’t see any actions or proposals, they take the situation into their own hands.

  • Communication

Being more dominant in a relationship requires a lot of talking. Commonly, females are the ones to start discussing possible emotional issues within the relationship. They find it more important than their partners to speak out their feelings and fix any misunderstandings. 

  • Social dynamics

Dominant women consider it crucial for a couple to have common friends and gather for drinks or dinner with them from time to time. Therefore, they often initiate such meetings and bring friends they make on their own. Men, in contrast, tend to prefer to have a beer with their buddies without new people joining. 

Dominant Men in Relationship

In her “The Longevity Book,” Cameron Diaz emphasizes the importance of a dominant female in a relationship who can set the direction for the lives of both partners. She argues that when women are dominant in relationship, they experience greater happiness and fulfillment. Nevertheless, in some areas, like finance management, men often have better expertise. 

According to research results, the majority of heterosexual women prefer mates who are high in dominance. No wonder many of them find partners with corresponding character traits. Are you curious whether there are certain aspects of a relationship that dominant men are normally responsible for? In fact, there are!

  • Budget management 

Even though the situation is changing, in many cases, men earn more than women. In addition, there are many families where males are the only breadwinners. This often means that making major financial decisions is up to a dominant man. 

  • Intimate life

Men tend to take leadership in sex, offering new ideas and looking for ways to spice things up. In addition, ladies often prefer the opposite sex to be dominant in bed, which is how things usually are. 

  • Rationality requiring decisions 

You may agree or disagree with it, but most women are driven by emotions rather than logic, while for men, it is vice versa. Therefore, when it comes to choosing the best credit possibility for a new car, for instance, males often take the lead. 

Pros and Cons to Have Dominant Role in Relationship

Being the dominant person in a relationship comes with both benefits and disadvantages. If you wonder what being dominant feels like, we are here to show you. 

dominant partner


  • Having your partner’s trust. If the person you’re building a life with lets you take the lead, this means they feel like they can rely on you and find you strong enough to handle the responsibilities. 
  • Higher sense of security. If you’re the kind of person who thinks that no one around can be trusted with important decisions, you’re going to feel safer being the one making them.
  • Sense of pride in making the right choices. Whenever you make a good choice, manage to solve a conflict perfectly, or find a way to make a great purchase, you get a nice boost of self-esteem as a dominant partner.


  • It’s a great weight to carry. Keep in mind that while being dominant in a relationship, you are still supposed to handle your personal responsibilities at work and in other areas of life. 
  • Your partner might feel overcontrolled. It’s quite easy to exaggerate with dominance, in which case your other half starts getting the feeling that you’re the only one making all the important decisions. 
  • Reduced autonomy. The less dominant partner may feel a loss of autonomy and independence, impacting their self-esteem and satisfaction in the relationship.

4 Steps on How to Be a Dominant Lover

Perhaps you have noticed that the power balance in your relationship is off and you want to fix it by taking the lead. How do you do it right without making your second half feel uncomfortable or unhappy? We conducted research and came up with the following steps you need to take!

Step 1. Talk about it openly

The worst thing you could do is choose to be a leader without saying anything and then try to show your partner by showing them in different ways. Numerous misunderstandings and even confrontations may arise from this. As soon as you feel ready to take on some responsibilities, talk to your second half about it. Choose your words carefully, and be as gentle as possible. Instead of saying you want to be dominant, list the decisions where you would like to have the final say.

Step 2. Work on earning trust

Do not underestimate the dominant meaning in a relationship. Once you both agree that you are a good leader, the work is not over. You might be tempted to misuse your power and say something like, “Our next holiday trip will be to Albania, just because I said so!” Be very careful with how you demonstrate your leadership, especially in the initial months. Make sure you ask the person you love for their opinion and make the final decision objectively, considering all relevant factors. 

Step 3. Set clear boundaries

First of all, you cannot be the leader in every aspect of your family. Interestingly, in some cases, one person in a relationship is happy to give all the power (and thus responsibility) to the other. But this leads to the so-called dependency dilemma. When one partner becomes overly reliant on the dominant partner for emotional or financial support, it results in a lack of independence and personal growth.

Discuss with your partner in which areas you would like to be the decision-maker. Additionally, talk about behaviors that are completely inappropriate in this context. For example, if you are the one managing the budget, it does not mean you can buy a new closet for your bedroom without discussing it with your partner first. A good approach is to create hypothetical situations and use these real-life examples to explain to each other what kind of leadership is acceptable and what is not.

Step 4. Learn and adjust your approach

Whether you have never tried leadership roles or have been a boss in your company for the last 15 years, taking on a dominant role in a family is completely different. Therefore, you need to be ready to adjust your dominance strategy to make your relationship more fulfilling and satisfying for both sides. 

We cannot provide one-size-fits-all advice, as these preferences vary a lot among couples. For instance, some women love it when their partner brings them to a restaurant and orders food for them so that they don’t have to make any decisions at all. For them, it feels incredibly relieving after a long day in the office, where every decision requires their input. Meanwhile, others would hate such behavior.

How to Be More Dominant in Bed? 

An average person has sex 104 times per year, and the quality of it really matters. First of all, you need to understand that dominance in bed is not something out of Fifty Shades of Gray. It’s essential to understand the desires of your partner in order to take the lead in the intimate part of your life. Here are some pro tips on how to be a dominant lover:

  • Discuss the details. When you say that you want to be dominant in sex, do you mean you want to try some BDSM techniques, or are you simply talking about who chooses positions? Be clear on how and to what extent you are going to be the boss in the intimate lives of the two of you. 
  • Aftercare. Want to know how to be more dominant in bed? Show care for your second half. After you make love, check in with your partner to ensure they are feeling good emotionally and physically. Discuss what worked and what didn’t, and make sure once again that you both feel comfortable. 
  • Decide on psychological dominance. It’s common for one of the partners to practice dominance as a roleplay. This can be a fun way to explore power dynamics. To be dominant in sex, control when and how your partner experiences pleasure. Tease them and then pull back to build anticipation.
  • Express confidence. Take control over your sexual life by initiating activities and making decisions. Speak clearly and with confidence about what you want to do. Strong eye contact can be very powerful and convey confidence and control.

Summing-Up: Is it Good to Be a Dominant in Relationship

If you ever heard of a couple where both partners are fully equal, this means they lack clarity in their communication. When it comes to making major decisions where partners have different opinions, dominance in a relationship shows up at its best. The question about who is a better leader has yet to have a definite answer, though. Make sure the power in your couple is balanced and each side feels its value and contribution to the relationship. 

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