How to distinguish healthy dating from unhealthy, which has no future? Sometimes unhealthy relationships don’t look like that from the outside – it also has dates, passion, a candy-bouquet period, and often neither those around nor even the victim themselves can identify that something is going wrong.
Sometimes we let our relationship take its course, and then, without having time to come to our senses, we sit at a broken trough and wonder: “When did everything go wrong? Where was that point of no return? You can’t go back to the past, and you can’t glue a broken vase together. Therefore, learn to analyze your relationship and take action when you see that they have declined. We have prepared for you conscious dating red flags checklist that will help you to clarify whether is it worth continuing dating.
1. You started avoiding each other
You exhale with pleasure when your partner says that they will be late after work. Surely, you may not care where they are going: to a bar with comrades or somewhere else. You want to be alone and spend time with pleasure: watch a new movie, see your friends, and eat a can of ice cream in one sitting. Or another option: you sit at a joint breakfast, staring at your phones, being at work, not calling each other, and in the evening you go about your business – to the gym or anything else. If your day does not end with passionate sex in the bedroom, or a sincere conversation – your relationship is in danger: you are no longer interested in each other.
2. You stop discussing important things with each other
You do not feel support from your partner, so you rely on yourself again. Therefore, for example, you are interviewed without consulting them when you are offered a job in another city. But in any relationship, the main thing is trust and support, and it seems that these important things are missing between you two.
3. You ignore your partner (or they ignore you)
There are periods in a relationship when one partner (or maybe both) wants to focus on achieving personal goals (getting a new job, winning competitions, writing a book). They are close on this goal and seem to cease to exist for you. Ignoring a loved one is the same as rudely offending, only in a more polite form.
4. Your partner doesn’t introduce you to friends and family
You have been in a relationship for a long time, but there was no acquaintance with the family or friends of your partner. Your chosen one seems to be deliberately hiding you from everyone. Are they a loner or just shy? No, most likely, the partner simply does not intend to move to a more serious level of relations with you. Or maybe they are hiding something.
5. They never take responsibility
A partner who does not plan anything serious will behave appropriately with their soulmate. You won’t get help from them: either the partner will find a million reasons for refusal or will do everything awry. Another signal that the chosen one is only pretending to love is their eternal absence at the right moments. Would a person who regards relationships as serious leave their soulmate at important moments for them? A lack of help from a partner is a sign that they are with you temporarily, for fun.
6. Partner often uses excuses
Conscious dating red flags checklist: a person uses excuses all the time. It happens that one partner may suspect the strange attitude of their chosen one. Then they can directly ask what prevents the partner from starting to meet with them “seriously”. A partner who is not interested in a long-term relationship and just playing in love will start pouring out the following phrases: “I’m not ready for a serious relationship yet, but I feel so good with you”, “I don’t need anything serious right now, let’s wait” or even ” I don’t want to hurt you later.” All this proves that you have no particular value for them. They are not going to build anything serious with you.
7. The partner makes plans without asking you
If a partner has not consulted with you once or twice, there is nothing catastrophic in this. But if they continue to stubbornly make plans on their own, putting you before the fact, this is already an unhealthy signal. Most likely, this is the banalest abuser who considers himself the main one in a relationship. You should run away from this and cut all ties as soon as possible. But there is also a possibility that they simply do not see their future in you, do not take you seriously, and therefore do not consider it necessary to listen to your opinion.
8. They never fit in with you
If a partner has a desire to see a loved one, they will find at least five minutes for you. This will be a confirmation of their feelings and serious intentions. A partner who only plays in love will be next to you only at a convenient time for them. How to understand that your object of sympathy does not want a serious relationship? They constantly avoid dates, hiding behind work and urgent matters. But everyone is well aware that we are ready to devote time and attention to our significant others, if they are really important for us.
9. Partner always strives to control you
Dating red flags checklist in a man: does your partner always control you? You did not have time to understand how it turned out that they are aware of all your plans, calls, and movements. Full awareness of all the affairs of a partner is usually the first step towards imposing one’s opinion. As soon as you are required to be accountable for your actions, and thoughts, and you cannot defend your borders, this will become a serious precedent. Your life will never be the same again.
10. They don’t want to get in touch with you
Each of us has every right to feedback in any relationship. If a partner refuses it to you, it means that they use one of the cruelest manipulations, which sociopaths and abusers especially love, that is, people with whom there cannot be a healthy relationship at all. Refusal to explain the reason, pauses in conversations, ignoring calls, playing silent – these are all examples of mind games in relationships that are never normal for couples. Think about ending this dating.
11. Your feelings and words are uninterested to them
You make an appointment and the person is constantly late due to “unforeseen circumstances”? Or have you asked your partner for something, and they continue to do it their way, completely ignoring your words? If this or any other example of a partner’s indifference and disrespect for your experiences, problems, or needs is typical for your relationship, this is an alarming bell. Concern for the comfort of a loved one next to you is what you should feel.
12. Your partner is manipulating you
Dating red flags checklist in a woman: if they manipulate you, it is one of the flags that means you need to think about ending the dating. It is possible to manipulate in many ways, but none of them can be justified with something like “this is how partner shows love and care.” Manipulation is always a deliberate attack on a weak point in an attempt to get what the person wants. If one in a couple tries to acquire power over the other, then, of course, there is no question of any partnership, and therefore healthy relationships. A person who is ready to play with your feelings, just to make their beloved happy, is not the one you need.
13. They don’t want to spend time with you
The chosen one does not call you, does not write, does not invite you on dates, or do they try to avoid them in every possible way? Unfortunately, this suggests that they are not interested in you. They are more willing to spend time with their friends or even at work. In general, they will find any excuse not to meet with you. Psychologists advise not to try to restore relationships or be obsessive, this is an irreversible process.
14. They show indifference towards you
The most obvious sign. If you constantly hear reproaches addressed to you or even insults, this means that your partner is indifferent to your emotions and feelings. You frankly annoy them, they see you only as “flaws”. Every day more and more quarrels arise, in which, in their opinion, you are to blame. If so, finish dating such a partner without regret.
15. They constantly violate your boundaries
We all have certain boundaries: we allow something, but we also can categorically reject something. A person who truly loves and respects you will never cross this line. Those who do not care, simply will not see these boundaries and will cross them without remorse.
16. They don’t care what makes you happy
Such a partner will not even pretend to care and attention to your friends and relatives. They will not even be interested in your hobbies. According to the logic of such a person, all this has nothing to do with, which means it doesn’t matter at all. This behavior is 100% confirmation that your relationship is not about love at all.
17. They lie to you all the time
The one who sincerely loves does not see the need to cheat in relationships. The behavior of that person is even more indicative when they are nevertheless convicted of deceit. Then they begin to get out, deny everything or accuse you of excessive suspicion. Such a partner wants to have complete power and is convinced that you simply do not deserve the truth.
If you understand that your chosen one does not love you, does not respect you, and does not strive to make your relationship better – in no case try to continue dating such a person and do not hope for a romantic relationship. This will only make things worse, psychologists are sure. The best thing to do is to acknowledge the fact that this person is not yours and let them go. There are many people in the world and someday you will meet your true person. You can meet your destiny in a cafe, at work, on a dating site, or even on the street. Appreciate yourself and look for a partner who will love and respect you.
Joe Elvin is a dating expert, writer, and podcaster with years of experience helping people navigate the complex world of relationships. His work has been published in numerous online and print publications, and he has appeared on various podcasts and radio shows as a dating expert. With a keen eye for detail and a passion for helping others, Joe has become a trusted authority in the dating industry.